I Thought Leaving Would Feel Like Freedom.

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  After a month, everything seems so normal and dull... as if nothing ever happened. I am happy, but I feel empty. I waited for this for the longest time... three years and counting. I honestly did not like how I left things. It felt rushed. It felt sad. And honestly, if I could go back in time... I would probably do it the same way. I can't help but blame myself for leaving a toxic environment. I was suffering. Scars have been drawn on my body. Unwanted habits have now become normal for me. I feel restless. I am exhausted. I am tired, yet I feel like I don't deserve sleep. Why, though? I only left because I was tired of being exploited. I want to be selfish. I want to put myself first. I have been nothing but a dirty doormat. My mind, soul, and body crave peace and sleep, but I feel like the moment I lay down, I will fall behind. Am I over exaggerating my grief? Or am I trying to convince myself that leaving was the wrong step? I feel lonely. I don't crave people to intera...
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i'm not okay...

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 So, I'm not proud of myself that all I've felt is pain, hurt and disappointment for the past three years.

 Life has not been easy for me and I wake up every day telling myself that regardless of everything I'm going through, I'll still be strong.

🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶

 I keep trying so hard to make myself strong, telling myself that everything is okay, everything happens for a reason.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶

 I try to romanticize my pain, try to make it feel like the pain is not easy until there comes a moment in my life where I just break down and cry. 

And the moment I start crying, I can't stop the tears.

 The tears keep flowing and flowing and flowing.

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶

 I don't know, it makes me feel like I have bottled up so much pain in my heart. I have tried to contain the pain so much.

 It's like, it's like my pain has been kept in a jar and the jar is overflowing.

🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶🖤🩶

 But I'm sealing the jar so tight so even the smallest leak makes it overflow and my tears just come running and closing it is very difficult because I have to force myself, like I have to force a lid to close so it will stop spilling. 

I am not happy💔.

 I am not happy💔. 

And I am happy to admit that I am not happy💔.

 Life is not good💔. 

Life is really bad right now and I am not happy....🥀💔


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