I Thought Leaving Would Feel Like Freedom.

Image
  After a month, everything seems so normal and dull... as if nothing ever happened. I am happy, but I feel empty. I waited for this for the longest time... three years and counting. I honestly did not like how I left things. It felt rushed. It felt sad. And honestly, if I could go back in time... I would probably do it the same way. I can't help but blame myself for leaving a toxic environment. I was suffering. Scars have been drawn on my body. Unwanted habits have now become normal for me. I feel restless. I am exhausted. I am tired, yet I feel like I don't deserve sleep. Why, though? I only left because I was tired of being exploited. I want to be selfish. I want to put myself first. I have been nothing but a dirty doormat. My mind, soul, and body crave peace and sleep, but I feel like the moment I lay down, I will fall behind. Am I over exaggerating my grief? Or am I trying to convince myself that leaving was the wrong step? I feel lonely. I don't crave people to intera...

The One Thing You Need To Hear When Life Feels Unbearable

 

Still sharing my heartbeats and unfiltered thoughts ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿชน๐Ÿ’•

Do you sometimes wish, you could close your eyes and wake up in a different life ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ’”

....a life where you feel seen, respected and free๐Ÿฅบ❤‍๐Ÿฉน

But instead you wake up in a space where you feel like you don't truly belong ๐Ÿซ ๐Ÿ’”.....a life where everything you do is met with criticism ๐Ÿ˜ข, and every move is watched and judged ๐Ÿ˜ช❤‍๐Ÿฉน

Yes you didn't choose this ๐Ÿ˜ช, but circumstances has led you there๐Ÿซ ....

a place where you feel reduced, degraded and emotional drained☹️๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ’”.

And honestly it hurts ๐Ÿค•...it hurts soo much ๐Ÿ˜”.

People say, "Take it easy'. But how can you take it easy when you're living in an environment that chips away at your peace daily ๐Ÿฅฒ๐Ÿ’”?

When you're constantly walking in eggshells ๐Ÿฅ€, overthinking every little decision ๐Ÿ‚... just to avoid the next explosion ๐Ÿ’ฅ of judgement and criticism ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ’”.

You want to scream....you want to cry...you just want someone, anyone to understand your pain๐Ÿคง

Even the people who love you can't fix it ๐Ÿ˜ช, because thier hands are tied too ⛓️๐Ÿ”’. 

They're trying, offering reassurance, soft words and hope ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ’”.....but sometimes hope just feels like another heavy thing to carry when you're barely holding on๐Ÿซ ❤‍๐Ÿฉน.

You've tried everything to make the best of it๐Ÿ’”

๐Ÿฅ€: You've tried adjusting ๐Ÿฅฒ๐Ÿ’”

๐Ÿฅ€: Tried being strong ๐Ÿฅฒ๐Ÿ’”

๐Ÿฅ€: Tried to motivate yourself ๐Ÿฅฒ๐Ÿ’”

๐Ÿฅ€: Tried acting like everything is fine ๐Ÿฅฒ๐Ÿ’”

But deep down inside ๐Ÿฅบ

You're tired ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Tired of pretending ๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Tired of Pushing down the tears๐Ÿ˜ฃ

Tired of being treated like you don't matter ๐Ÿฅบ

And then there's comparison ๐Ÿ˜ถ‍๐ŸŒซ

Watching others live freely, while you struggle in silence ๐Ÿค, wishing, hoping, aching for something different ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ‚๐Ÿ’”.

You know deep down comparison won't fix it, but sometimes.... it's hard not to wonder why me?

 What did I do to deserve this?

Still❤‍๐Ÿฉน....even in this pain, you're trying ๐Ÿฅฒ๐Ÿ’”

Even when you feel breaking down⛓‍๐Ÿ’ฅ, you're still standing ❤‍๐Ÿ”ฅ

Even when motivation feels pointless ๐Ÿ–ค, you wake up and face another day๐Ÿคง๐Ÿฅบ❤‍๐Ÿฉน

To anyone who relates with this ๐Ÿฅบ๐Ÿ’”:

๐Ÿ•Š️: You're seen

 ๐Ÿ•Š️: You're felt 

๐Ÿ•Š️: You're not alone ๐Ÿ˜ช๐Ÿ’”

This pain won't last forever ๐Ÿซ ❤‍๐Ÿฉน

But for now, it's okay to admit that it hurts ๐Ÿค•๐Ÿ’”

You don't have to be okay today ๐Ÿ˜ž๐Ÿ’”, you just have to keep breathing ๐Ÿ’• 

One day, this chapter will just be part of the story ๐Ÿ“– that made you stronger ๐Ÿ’ช❤‍๐Ÿ”ฅ.

But for now: let yourself feel it❤‍๐Ÿฉน

You're allowed to be tired ๐Ÿฅบ

You're allowed to not have it all figured out ๐Ÿฅบ❤‍๐Ÿฉน

You're allowed to be a little broken and still beautiful ❤️ 

And you're still worthy of love, peace and better days ๐ŸŒฑ๐Ÿ’•. Even if today doesn't feel like one of them ๐Ÿฅบ๐ŸŒฑ๐Ÿ’•

Sometimes, just surviving another day with a heart that still hopes .... it's bravery too๐Ÿฅบ❤‍๐Ÿฉน


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Am Just A Girl ♡

When Womanhood Becomes A Joke: This Era Makes Me Sick ♡