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Weightless ⁠♡

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  I stepped out of myself today. I just stood there, a silent ghost, watching my own body move through the heavy ache of living. It broke something inside my mind to see it from the outside to look into my own eyes and feel the absolute, hollow emptiness staring back. I used to hold onto things. I used to have hope. But I watched it drain out of me, until there was nothing left but space. I am so light now. So fragile, like dry autumn leaves. If the wind were to catch me right now, it would carry me away, drift me across the sky, and drop me somewhere so far down that I would never, ever want to come back. There is a strange regret in being this hollow. I watched my body beg for sleep, pleading for the dark to just turn off the noise. But sleep is no longer a requirement for this life. The clock keeps ticking, but the rest never comes. So I roamed. Endless, heavy nights, walking side by side with my lover. Dark after dark, two shadows chasing a phantom. We were hunting for hope, bu...

i'm not okay...

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 So, I'm not proud of myself that all I've felt is pain, hurt and disappointment for the past three years.  Life has not been easy for me and I wake up every day telling myself that regardless of everything I'm going through, I'll still be strong. πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©Ά  I keep trying so hard to make myself strong, telling myself that everything is okay, everything happens for a reason. πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©Ά  I try to romanticize my pain, try to make it feel like the pain is not easy until there comes a moment in my life where I just break down and cry.  And the moment I start crying, I can't stop the tears.  The tears keep flowing and flowing and flowing. πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ©ΆπŸ©ΆπŸ©ΆπŸ©ΆπŸ©ΆπŸ©Ά  I don't know, it makes me feel like I have bottled up so much pain in my heart. I have tried to contain the pain so much.  It's like, it's like my pain has been kept in a jar and the jar is overflowing. πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©ΆπŸ–€πŸ©Ά...

My North Star ✧

 What if life is a dream and death wakes us up.  Is all our suffering just going to end in death. If so let's truly cherish the moments we have every hour, every second, every minute.  And let's give the world a reason to remember our name. - edidi ☕πŸ’•

🌌 What If Life Is a Dream… and Death Wakes Us Up? πŸ₯€πŸ’”

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 This thought has been with me since high school. What if life is a dream… and death wakes us up? I keep asking myself this question, what if our whole life on earth is just a dream?  Like something we experience for so long, and then one day we wake up and we’re like, oh my God… that was the longest dream ever. I don’t know. It’s just such a weird thought. If you’ve been “asleep” your whole life,  living inside a dream… when you wake up, would you even think the same way? πŸ’­ Honestly, I don’t talk about this much. But when it comes to death, I don’t want to live my life being scared of it. I want to live a life where I’m ready for it.🫢πŸ₯€❤️ A life where I can say, yes, I’ve fulfilled my purpose. I’ve done what I wanted to do. I want to reach a point where if I know death is coming, I won’t be afraid. Because the truth is… one day, I’m going to die. And that thought? It’s scary. It’s weird. It’s something people don’t really like to talk about. Sometimes I walk around and...